Learing to Communicate

Communication in Recovery

The journey of recovery is not an easy process. It requires a great deal of understanding. One of the most difficult things to work through is learning how to communicate effectively. Being in recovery I often find myself, dealing with how I view myself. The things I have done, not only to myself but, to my wife and children. Understanding the trauma that I have inflicted on my family is not as clear as it might seem. I recently had a conversation with one of my daughters. I was wondering if she knew I loved her. She told me she knew that I loved her and she let me know that she loved me. However, this is when I began to brace myself for the onslaught that I was sure was coming. But it didn’t come this time. She let me know that there are some issues that really need to be addressed. But she thought that it would be better to have someone mediate the conversation. She felt that I was not prepared to hear what was on her heart about the pain I had inflicted on her and her siblings. I suggested that we seek some therapy as a family. But I thought it was better to tackle these conversations one at a time. Looking at my daughter as she was talking to me helped bring one thing into clear view. I had lost a lot of time, running around in my drug and alcohol induced insanity. Never truly being present in their lives. The lies, all the verbal and mental abuse that I have inflicted on them. All I can say is forgive my language is “Damn” look what I’ve done. Even though I have received the help I needed and still do. My family has never had the chance to deal with their pain and anger. I carried all the pain I had from being molested as a child. The abuse I received at the hands of family members. Never feeling like I belonged. I am now seeing those things in my children. The same things I tried to keep inside for most of my life I was now seeing a reflection of that in my children. I continue to pray and ask God to help them and myself to overcome our fears of finally dealing with this issue. It all starts with bringing God into the conversation. Learning to get passed the negative communication we have developed towards one another. Build the trust that we will honor and respect each other’s feelings. And admit our wrongs that we have inflicted on one another. Because contrary to most people’s opinion. There has been hurt caused on both sides. So that being said it’s going to take everyone being open and willing to change our situation. Because without that commitment. The healing process can never begin. Many of us go through life with no place to find comfort. Carrying or burdens from one place to another. I found this passage in the life recovery bible. “It is essential that we drive out our family’s enemies so future generations won’t have to battle them. Whether our enemies take the form of alcoholism, drug use, sexual abuse, or other problems, we must resolve them rather than hand the legacy down to our children and grandchildren” that pretty much sums it up.

Putting God First 

Dante Craig Sr.

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