I’m screaming, running, jumping looking for a way out. Trying to tell anyone who will listen the box has changed. I know how to think outside the box. I just don’t know how to get out of the box. My vision is getting worse by the day. My memory is slipping to a point I’m forgetting the things I need to do for my family. I’m having anxiety attacks almost daily and to top all that off I’m afraid of what’s happening. Everyone is beginning to see the actions rise from the fear. A sense of loosing control of the fees things in life that I cherish. Has anyone seen a doorknob a latter anything that can help me get out of this box. I’m sending up flairs,smoke signals everything I can think of but I guess no one can hear me from inside of this box. It’s been a minute since I heard back from my Heavenly Father I know he’s there but I can no longer see the light that he’s held on the path for me. Everyone around me continues to want me to do for them. Even I’m telling the something has changed and when I don’t do something they want me to do. The way they want me to do it. I get the you don’t love me. You don’t care about me. I poor everything I have into my home. I give all my time. So why can’t I get the same love they say I’m not giving them. I need a way out of this box. Why can’t I get someone to come into this space with me so I can communicate with them. Family is a strange thing to deal with. My dad says it all the time but now I understand what it means. Would they do it for me. Everyone has something to say about what’s going on with me. But no one’s willing to listen to the man in the box to get a better understanding standing. I have no more to give. My health is at stake. But I truly think everyone likes me in this box. Where they can look down on me. Use me as an excuse for their unhappiness. I just have one last thing to add. Has anyone taking a good hard look at the man in the box. He’s human. He’s flawed and he has feelings too. If you love me, hear my heart and know I love you. Things have changed and now I have to find a way out of this box.
The bitterness we experience threatens the recovery process because it causes us to blame others for our problems. It may scare us to think of forgiving those who have hurt us. We may be afraid that releasing our hatred will require us to condone the bad things people have done to us.
We cannot remove our bitterness on our own. And it will never be easy to accept that God wants to rescue even the people we hate. We must allow God to change our heart as we work toward forgiving those who have hurt us. This will take time. God asks only that we be willing to let him begin the work in our heart.
Learning to let go of the pain and the anger requires a lot of work. An understanding of why your angry? What part did you play? and is it really worth your time and energy to continue to carry the burden around with you? You have to learn to be honest with your self, in order to grow and understand.
Therapists in rehabs everywhere work to improve the self-esteem and self image of their clients. Most people in recovery carry a lot of shame about their addiction. Some people feel weak or stupid for not having been able to quit on their own or for letting their substance abuse get as out of hand as it did.
Others are ashamed of things they did during active addiction, hurting friends and family. Mistreating themselves, allowing their health to decline, committing crimes against perfect strangers. These are very difficult things to come to terms with and accept. A big part of the problem is how conflicted most people feel about continuing to use substances and making these poor choices.Addiction rewires the brain to prioritize using substances over other things that an individual truly values-things like work, morality, independence, family and friends.
They dont want to do things that go against their values, but their brailns are telling them to go ahead and overlook those values. Many clients in rehab describe feelings of self-hatred, shame, guilt and worthlessness.
This is a tragic part of the disease of addiction and a key element that must be addressed in treatment for the mind, body and spirit to be healed.
I’m not sure where i got this article from, but I thought it was worth sharing.
SURRENDER, IS NOT FAILURE
Those in recovery support groups and addiction recovery professionals can offer you a solution. They can show you how to overcome the compulsion to keep using alcohol and drugs, But the first thing you will have to do is turn over the control of your addiction. You will have to come to terms with the fact that you are powerless over alcohol or other substances. You will have to surrender to win. you have to trust that others can give you advice and direction that will help you to begin to lead a life free of dependence on mood altering chemicals
As long as you continue trying to control your drinking or drug abuse, you are only postponing the inevitable. there will come a day that you lose control, and something will happen that you didn’t mean to happen. When you have had enough misery and chaos in your life, you will be ready to surrender.
While it may feel like a blow to your ego at first, surrender is the first step on the path to freedom. Surrendering is not a sign of failure. instead it is the path to tapping into your greatest strength. By turning over the control of your addiction, you are giving yourself the opportunity to regain control over the rest of your life.
Dante Craig Sr.
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